Chameleon Sun
REVISED VERSIONThe ball of light that sweeps the sky may betransformed to Energy for they are one.We cannot look upon it, maybe Hesaid, do not look directly at the Sun.And so he comes as Mass, we...
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Hi Tamara,Good to see you still at it. (Mary Sullivan here, with a new handle.)Your sonnet is technically sound, and I share the sentiment, but it leaves me unsatisfied. The mid-word enjambment knocks...
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Hi Tamara,This reads like two different poems to me: the first 12 lines make up one, and the couplet another. Yes, I spotted the play on "Sun/Son", but it's not enough to justify bringing in the sun...
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Hey Mary, hope things are going well.Thanks for taking time to read and critique. Sorry, I didn't work on this one. I saw something on TV about religion and how each culture had their own prophet and...
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Dear Rose,I appreciate your honest and constructive critique. I've been off on a free verse tangeant lately. It's time to get back to some structure.I will work on correcting the mid-word enjambment....
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I started a thread on mid-word enjambments a while back (though I didn't know the word I was looking for) because I was stuck and wanted to separate "gentleman" across two...
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Dear Rose,Thank you for the information and the link. I'll check it out.I'm doing my best on the Sonnet. Think I've written a total of 6 or 7.Thanks for all your help.Best,Tamara"Truth, like light, is...
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Good comments above. Just a couple of further points:"Though God exists as energy" seems tendentious. Maybe he exists in another form (or possibly doesn't exist at all, though I don't think that's a...
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Tamara,My problem with this sonnet is that it purports to offer a universal view of deity, when it seems restricted to a rather narrow one, unless you feel the view of a patriachal society is the only...
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Dear David,Yes, I believe God exists in three forms (Energy, Light and Mass) and is able to change into either of the three forms. At any rate, I thank you for your critique. I did use filler. I've...
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Dear Maz,I am stating there is a relationship between Science and Religion in my theory. Ordinarily, these two are at opposite ends of the the spectrum.My relationship isE = m c2Energy (God)...
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Tamara,If you read what I wrote, you'll see that I do not refer at all to what I believe - I simply point out that the sonnet seems to want to treat one perception of God as if it is universally held....
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Dear Grasshopperuk,Perhaps I have misunderstood you.There are only two theories. Either you believe in God or you don't. You either believe in creation or you believe in evolution. The two extremes...
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Hi Tamara,This is better, but still too didactic and metaphor-deprived to really grab my interest. Sorry.Mary
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How can you square the Holy Ghost? And what does it mean to say that the Holy Ghost squared, multiplied by Jesus, equals God? How do you multiply something by Jesus? I'm not arguing with your...
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Dear Mary,Thanks for taking a second look. Sorry the content wasn't what you expected.Best,Tamara
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Dear RSlator,Thank you kindly for your critique.With respect to your question. How did Einstein figure out how to make the atom bomb? How did Einstein square light? Light is a constant number 3 x 10...
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